I am absolutely blown away by the responses from the first blog I sent out a few weeks ago. I have received so many encouraging emails, texts and phone calls from friends and loved ones about how helpful my thoughts were. Thank you for taking the time to read it. I’ve also received many inquiries about the other thoughts (I’d mentioned I’d written down). Since I gave you part one, I thought I’d give you part two. (Hey, who knows, maybe I’ll write a book one day?)
Here are some more of my thoughts on grief.
9. Everything feels different.
The world does not slow down after the loss of a loved one. You’ll watch all the people around you continue to move forward while you feel stuck in a moment in time, like you’re in an episode of “The Twilight Zone”. Everything feels different. It is uncharted territory. No matter how much you may have thought you were prepared for a moment like this, you will discover it’s not at all what you imagined. My father lived in our home for the last four years of his life, so this is painfully true in my life. Everything feels different. Our house is quieter; our family dinners are different. The city we live in is full of landmarks and memories that aren’t the same without him. When you lose a loved one, there is a presence of “absence” that won’t feel normal for a long time. When you feel overwhelmed with their absence, remember the Lord’s presence remains forever.
- “For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed, but my steadfast love shall not depart from you…” — Isaiah 54:10
10. There will be feelings of grief and guilt.
“If only there was something I could have done.”, “If I only had more time…”, “If I could have just told them…”, “I wish I would have…”
You may have times where you can’t stop thinking about all the things you wished you could have said or done. I’ve had the same reoccurring nightmare over the last year. It wakes me up. I’m often left with this heavy weight of guilt and regret sitting on my chest. Most nights it’s difficult for me to fall back asleep and so I end up sitting in bed with these thoughts of “what if’s” until my alarm goes off.
This is guilt, and he is a nasty companion of grief. He’s like an invader who pretends his voice is your own. It will amplify any regrets or fears and absolutely torment you. When guilt comes, you can either entertain it (and let it devastate your already grieving heart), or you can call it what it is and do away with it.
For us as Believers, we have to remember that guilt is NOT from the Lord. Listen to that again. Guilt is not from the Lord. So, when your flesh and your heart fail, and when your brain begins to misfire, train yourself to bring every one of these burdens to Him (Psalm 55:22).Grief is already hard enough — release every guilty feeling to Jesus.
11. The waves of grief will be big and small.
There will be days when the waves of emotions are very tolerable, like tiny tides rolling onto the beach. And there will be other days when the waves of grief will completely knock you over, like a tidal wave. Much like the waves of the sea, you don’t have any say in how calm or violent it will be. With that being said, it has been good for me to accept that these waves of grief are a part of experiencing loss. On the days when the waves of grief are calm, give thanks to Jesus. On the days when the waves are devastating, you can run to Him.
“The name of the LORD is a strong tower; the righteous man runs into it and is safe.” — Proverbs 18:10
12. Sometimes, you’ll take one step forward and two steps back.
“I thought I was making progress.”, “Yesterday was a great day, why is today so hard?”, “How come I can’t control this?”
Some days will be better than others. You will feel like your emotions have leveled out and your day- to-day routine seems to be getting back to normal. Then another anvil of grief falls out of the sky and crushes you again. It can be very discouraging when you think you and your grief are well acquainted with each other, and then a thought or memory feels like a brand-new wound.
There’s no real way to protect yourself from these intrusions (but you can decide beforehand how you will handle them). Sometimes, I will talk out loud, pray to Jesus, or share memories with my children. Other times, I will write down my thoughts and memories. I have found that reading the things I’ve journaled has really helped me in the deep moments of intense sadness.
Be sure to have some things set in place for when the next anvil falls from the sky. And in the moments where you feel like you’ve gone backwards, remember that it’s just your heart remembering. Your mind is reminding you of your love for them. I never thought I’d be the one to quote a super hero, but here we are. Vision said it great when he said: “What is grief if not love persevering?”
13. Remember where your help comes from.
Pain, loss, hurt and grief are as sure to come in this life as the sunrise in the morning. As for the timing? No one can answer that. But, when they do come, when the trials and sorrows of this life come your way, run toward your true source of help — Jesus Christ. His strength will hold you up in ways you are not capable of. He will protect you in ways you haven’t thought of doing yourself. He will direct your steps when you can’t see what lies ahead. With confidence, you will be able to say that the Lord has brought you this far. He will also get you through the next season as well.
I will leave you with the words found in Psalm 121.
1 “I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come?
2 My help comes from the LORD, Who made heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot be moved; He who keeps you will not slumber.
4 Behold, He who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The LORD is your keeper; the LORD is your shade on your right hand.
6 The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night.
7 The LORD will keep you from all evil; He will keep your life.
8 The LORD will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore.”
Posted in A Word from the Pastor