My wife and I have recently had a number of conversations with people who hold different opinions than ours. These discussions have been equal parts challenging, encouraging and a little perplexing.
Consequently, I have come to realize that it can be too easy to make assumptions from afar. I’ve found that most of us have been presuming what others are thinking or believing (many times based on narratives of the world) rather than respectfully asking questions and seeking to understand the other side. I have also come to realize that our enemy (the devil) loves to make us believe we are the minority and everyone else is against us.
It can certainly feel like our world’s polarization is very binary. When it comes to the topics of our day (ie: politics, COVID, in-person gatherings, masks) we can assume everyone’s divided into two, distinct camps. However, the truth is, even in the realm of our little, local church right now, there is a massive spectrum of views and convictions. This is actually a good thing. This nuance can bring wisdom, clarity and compassion into our hearts as we seek to understand others better.
Look at what Proverbs tells us.
“A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.” — Proverbs 18:2 ESV
“The one who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him.” — Proverbs 18:17 ESV
“The wise don’t make a show of their knowledge, but fools broadcast their foolishness.” — Proverbs 12:23 NLT
Similarly, this well-known phrase is true, “Seek to understand, then to be understood.”
We have to do better.
We must honestly ask ourselves questions like these: “Do I live in an echo chamber with others who only share my perspective?”, “Am I willing to hear a different opinion than mine, with the hope of growing in understanding?”, “Will I listen fully before needing to defend my view?”
Romans 12:16-18 exhorts us to, “Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.”
To this end, we should be able to calmly discuss and engage with these things and not get mean about it. Christians should be the best at discourse with respect, humility, love and deference to one another. But, unfortunately, we usually are not.
This applies to conversations at work, at home, at church and even online — especially online.
Be Humble. Quick to listen. Slow to speak. Pursue unity.
“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” James 1:19
It can be so easy to not actually hear what others are saying and quickly defend our own points. These conversations have made me reflect.
Do I try to cultivate an environment where people feel like they can be themselves and hold different opinions when around me? Or, am I waiting to jump down their throat and prove them wrong whenever they express their views? Or worse, do I avoid it altogether by quietly blaming “the other side” as the problem?
Consider this quote from Pastor Timothy Keller:
“The thing that is great about the gospel is it humbles you. It makes you see that you are such a big part of the problem. And if the gospel changes you, you will never see anybody else, anywhere else, as being the enemy, the real problem with the world. It makes you more able to cooperate with people, more able to make common cause with people, I know it.”
Finally, at the end of these conversations, we should be able to be at peace enough to thank the other person for sharing their opinion and affirm our love for each other — despite our different opinions.
Trying to understand,
Posted in A Word from the Pastor